If you’ve been keeping up with my channel, you’ll know that I think that your happiness and joy are the keys to finding fulfillment and purpose in your life.
But what if I told you that most people have a giant blind spot when it comes to this concept?
There is one key misunderstanding that makes this particular teaching wreck many people’s lives. Today, we’re going to make sure that you don’t fall into this trap and, if you have already found yourself falling victim to this, I’m going to show you exactly how you can get out of it again.
How We Get Stuck In Our Comfort Zone
So how do we fall into this particular pitfall? It boils down to an issue of semantics. When I say “happiness is the key to finding your purpose”, people automatically overlay their idea of happiness over my words. And believe me when I tell you that there are many, many ways to define happiness! If you believe happiness is having a high level of achievement, then you will hear me say that a high level of achievement is what leads to your purpose. If you believe that happiness is a temporary and fleeting form of pleasure, you will hear me say that pleasure is key to your purpose, regardless of the consequences (I’m looking at you, those of you who left comments about doing drugs to find your purpose). And if you think that happiness is being stress free then living a life that feels easy is the key to your purpose. Notice how radically different these three ideas are! Today I specifically want to talk about that last one. Many of us have the misconception that comfort is the same as happiness. And if we have lived a life that is characterized by distress, it’s entirely reasonable that we would come to this conclusion. In general, our idea of happiness is built around what we want, and what we feel like we have been prevented from having.
When we have this unconscious assumption that happiness and comfort are the same, we act in accordance with that assumption. This means that when we are presented with an opportunity that is uncomfortable but would be objectively good for us, we shy away from it. In the short term, this probably makes us feel good! After all, we experience discomfort as a way for our mind and body to tell us to avoid something that may bring us pain. This absolutely leads us to a life that is quite comfortable. But very rarely does it lead to a life that is actually happy. In fact, staying in your comfort zone is quite possibly one of the most dangerous ways to live your life.
The Dangers Of The Comfort Zone
If you’re thinking that I’m crazy for saying that the comfort zone is dangerous, just bear with me. I’m fully aware that the intention behind staying in your comfort zone is to avoid risk, loss, and suffering. But just because the intention is one thing does not mean that the outcome will match that intention. And, under the rules of the universe that we live in, it is almost guaranteed not to match that.
We live in a universe governed by the law of attraction, or the law of mirroring. The purpose of these laws is to help us grow, gain awareness, and find a deeper truth and authenticity within ourselves. Anytime we are avoiding growth, awareness, and authenticity, these universal laws and energies will begin to turn up the heat to try to get us moving again. Let me be very clear with you. You do not want the universe turning up the heat on you. This is how people end up in car accidents, with sudden and inexplicable financial trouble, having their relationships blow up in their faces, and even having their bodies deteriorate through disease or injury inexplicably. When you refuse to grow and gain new awareness, the only way for the universe to prompt you to get back into motion is to apply some kind of pressure to your life. The more you resist and try to stay comfortable, the more intense this pressure will become. And if you’re watching this video right now, you can consider this your early warning system from the universe because you were an energetic match to watching this particular video.
This is what makes the comfort zone so incredibly dangerous. The more we protect and defend our comfort, the more we force the universe, God, or our higher selves to put us in uncomfortable situations! The reality is that gaining new growth and awareness is not a comfortable process. But even though it’s not comfortable, it nearly always leads to greater happiness.
Comfort Won’t Make You Happy
Alright, it’s time for me to give it to you straight. Comfort and happiness are not the same thing, and staying attached to comfort will never lead you to a happy life. Your concept and definition of happiness needs to change. So what is a better, truer definition of happiness? The reality is that the small details of what makes up one person’s happiness will vary greatly from what will make another person happy but the underlying philosophy that makes a truly happy life is the continual movement toward what you desire and away from what causes you pain. Now, this does not mean moving toward whatever gives you a quick hit of pleasure if that quick hit of pleasure comes at a steep cost. For example, things like doing heroin, becoming addicted to sex, binge eating, or any of the other myriad ways that we use pleasure to numb out pain. And in fact, there is often difficulty involved in moving towards what you desire. But difficulty and pain are not the same thing. For example, if what you desire is to have a career where you gain a lot of notoriety, that will come with the inherent pressure and discomfort of working long hours, being very disciplined, and pushing yourself to work and accomplish tasks even when it doesn’t feel good to do so, and learning to manage your behavior and your relationships in your working environment. This is certainly not a comfortable proposition! Or if you are someone who wants to have a family and raise children, this is also not going to be a comfortable proposition! If you’re a woman, giving birth to children is not comfortable! And then even after the child is born, they are going to challenge you constantly, on a daily basis. But despite the incredible challenges, pressure, and discomfort involved in having and raising children, it’s one of the most fulfilling things a human being can do with their lives!
The truth is, the comfort zone prevents you from being able to achieve what it is you desire. The comfort zone says “I am fine with exactly what I have and am unwilling to do anything or change anything to achieve more happiness or fulfillment”. It’s essentially like declaring to the universe that you don’t want to play the game of life anymore! You didn’t come here to build a safe little bubble for yourself! If what you wanted was to build a safe little bubble and to exist with no discomfort or struggle or challenges, you would have gone to a different planet! Let’s be real. There is no life on this planet that does not involve some level of challenge and discomfort. It would make no sense for your higher self to decide to come here if your purpose was to simply stay small and stay comfortable. If you want real happiness, you have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone, choose the kinds of pressure and discomfort that you are willing to put yourself through to get the things that you desire, and experience the growth and self-awareness that these challenges create. That is what you came to this planet to do.
How To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Hopefully, by this point, I have convinced you that staying in your comfort zone is a losing proposition. But for some of you, you may be wondering how the hell to get out of your comfort zone. Many of us have spent our entire lives crafting and building these comfortable little bubbles for ourselves and may have no clue how to go about breaking out of these prisons of comfort that we create. If you find yourself stuck in the comfort zone, here are four steps to help you break out of it and begin moving towards a life of true happiness, fulfillment, and purpose again.
1. Take stock of where you’re playing it safe & staying comfortable
The first thing you have to do is to figure out where you are staying in your comfort zone. Most of us have areas of our lives where we are playing it safe and playing it small, while other areas of our lives are still experiencing growth and forward momentum. You can’t get out of your comfort zone by taking action in the wrong areas of your life. If you are in your comfort zone in your romantic relationship but very much focused on achieving and progressing in your career, working harder to get out of your comfort zone in your career will not help you. Where are you playing small? Where do you want more but have convinced yourself that you can’t have more? Where have you become complacent, apprehensive, or apathetic about having more? Even if you think you’re perfectly happy with what you have achieved so far, if you are not looking for more in that area, you may be stuck in your comfort zone. Desire is an inbuilt fact of the human psyche. We are hard wired to want more, in all areas of our lives, no matter how much we actually have. This programming is how we are meant to move through life. It’s one half of the compass that we use to continue our growth and journey toward deeper awareness and authenticity. Find out where you’ve become comfortable and where you’ve become complacent and ask yourself, “what more do I truly want in this part of my life?”
2. Deal with your resistance
If you have become complacent and comfortable in some area of your life, it’s because you have some kind of resistance to achieving your desire. You need to identify why you are resistant to achieving what it is you want and work with that resistance to resolve it so that you can move forward without bulldozing yourself. You may have developed a story that you can’t have more in this particular area of your life, you may believe it is selfish to want more in this part of your life, or you may have a belief about what it means to be the kind of person who has that thing, or you may even have a general fear of trying something and exposing yourself to the possibility of failure. You must find out why you are resistant and resolve the root that is creating that resistance. There are so many tools that will allow you to work with your resistance, pick the ones that most appeal to you. You could try journaling, inner child work, somatic therapies, shadow work, parts work, meditation, talking with a friend, or something else entirely as long as it allows you to identify and work with your resistance effectively.
3. Create an action plan that gets you out of your comfort zone and GO BIG
Once you have identified your resistance and created resolution with that resistance so that you are no longer up against this wall, it’s time to come up with an action plan. Decide what you want. This is not a time to play small. Own up to your true desires. What do you really want? I don’t want you aiming for something that is nice or would be good to have, but isn’t that exciting. I want you to shoot for the thing that makes you feel so excited that you get butterflies in your stomach and a big ass grin on your face. Aim for the thing you really, truly want, the thing that turns you on and makes you excited to live life. And then once you’ve identified that desire, create an action plan and take the one big step that will move you toward your goal the fastest. One of the sneaky ways that we keep ourselves in our comfort zone is by taking lots of little actions that never really move the needle toward accomplishing what we want. Don’t let yourself fall into that pattern. Decide what you want and figure out what the one thing that you could do that would move you substantially towards that goal is and then do it. This action step will inherently be something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Remember that this is a good thing! By stepping out of your comfort zone, you are now moving and growing again and you have the actual possibility of achieving that thing that you desire. Do the thing that you know would be incredible for your growth and move you toward your goal, but that scares you a little bit. That’s when you know that you’ve got the right course of action to get you out of your comfort zone.
4. Things WILL start to shift. Let them.
When you first step out of your comfort zone, things are going to get really uncomfortable really quickly. This is good! When things start to shift and change in your life, let them shift and change. The actions that you take will probably have a ripple effect on your life and may expose other areas where you are also playing small and staying comfortable. Use these changes and new discomforts that pop up to show you where else in your life you need to be stepping out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, in order to have what we want, we have to let go of what we currently have, and the person that we currently think we are. This is not a comfortable process, this does not necessarily feel good. But it does lead you deeper into your truth, your authenticity, and your growth and progression in this life.
Those who stay in their comfort zone their entire lives are guaranteed to live a life of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and disappointment. It is only by taking risks, choosing into the discomfort that leads to our fulfillment, and being willing to learn along the way that allows us to craft a life that we deeply love and find purpose in. It’s time to step out of your comfort zone and start building the life that you truly want and deserve.