Have you ever been smacked in the face with a truth about yourself that should have been completely freaking OBVIOUS?
Part of me wants to say that life has been crazy lately, but really… my life is always like that. I’ve been to 6 states in the last three weeks and it’s looking like we’re about to head to state number 7 here soon. All while launching a new course, making a million videos for those students, having absolutely no plan for where we’re going or what we’re doing, and going through a huge amount of personal growth as a result.
And this isn’t unusual. This is just my life. It’s not always these specific things or quite this much travel but my life is always in a state of upheaval and transformation. It’s part of who I am.
And the dirty little secret that I’m keeping to myself when everyone around me is judging my messed up, crazy, all-over-the-map life?
I absolutely love it.
This is how I thrive.
In your human design chart, there’s a number in the top right column. This is called your Conscious Sun, also known as your Life’s Work.
(to find yours, go to Jovian Archive, input your birth data, and take a look at that top right number. I’ve circled it in pink in the example chart below.)
My conscious sun is Gate 51. When you find your gate, I recommend googling it. I particularly like humandesign.tools for looking up HD info.
Gate 51 is the Gate Of Shock. It means I’m both shocking to everyone around me and constantly being shocked by the Universe. Shock is an initiating force in my life and it’s constant. I’m always reaching new levels on the heels of some plot twist in my life.
And my god, have I ever tried to fight this part of my nature.
I have tried every way I know to settle down, to stop being so chaotic, to be stable, and responsible, and level-headed, and all the things everyone has told me I need to be for my entire life.
And what did it get me?
When I actually manage to pin myself down and eke out some kind of “stable” existence, my ENTIRE LIFE grinds to a freaking halt. There’s no growth, no movement, no joy, no learning, my money dries up, my relationships dry up, my sex life dries up, and I end up exhausted all the freaking time. Stability sucks all the juice out of my life.
And it never lasts.
The world always finds a way to inject another shock into my life and for me, those moments are like coming alive again.
I didn’t realize until just recently how much I LOVE the shocks. but I’ve spent my entire life feeling bad for being the kind of person who thrives on riding that shock wave.
I thought I was irresponsible, or refusing to grow up, or dramatic, or like one coach tried to convince me, I was “addicted to stress”.
The world will tell you in a million ways that there’s something wrong with you. That you need to be different or that being like everyone else is for some reason better.
But it’s not.
It’s not for me and it’s not for you.
For me, when I give into the shock and say “YES, give me another”, when I allow myself to shock other people and when I decide to catch the wave rather than allowing each shock to pummel me into the ocean floor, I THRIVE.
The money. The love. The sex. The travel. The adventures. The opportunities.
It ALL starts flowing again.
I feel alive again. I feel like me again.
And this is the real magic of it. When you know who you are, when you get permission to BE who you are, you stop feeling like there’s something wrong with you.
You stop beating yourself up. You stop asking for permission to exist. You stop apologizing for how you are.
And life starts to flow again.
Life starts to feel good again.
I have been in an absolute pressure cooker of authenticity lately. I leaned in and said YES to the shocks and it’s opened my eyes to the ways that we are all keeping ourselves small and denying ourselves power.
If you’re here, it’s because you’re looking for more.
You looked at your life and said, “I can do better.”
You’ve taken up the metaphysical and 3D tools and chose to make your life your own.
But if you’re being honest with yourself, you’re still fighting to be someone other than who you are.
You’re living out of alignment with your truth because someone along the way told you that wasn’t the right way to be.
So let’s do the work. This is where the magic happens. We do the work here, together, so that it actually gets done. No procrastination, no excuses, just magic.
Copy the questions below, delete my answers and fill in your own. Post them in the comments, I love reading them.
What’s your Conscious Sun? Explain to me what that means for you.
Gate 51, the Gate of Shock. I am a walking, talking set of resuscitation paddles. If the universe needs to wake you the hell up, it’ll send me. And, I get the shock treatment myself big time. It’s good medicine to give as good as you get.
How have you been judging yourself for this aspect of who you are?
I’ve judged myself as “too much”, too loud, too unstable, too restless, and the biggest one, too CRAZY.
How is this not actually the truth about who you are?
I’m not crazy. And I’m not too much. I’m here to be BIG and shocking and to shake things up. People do not walk away from me unchanged. I am a catalyst for people, I initiate those who meet me into deeper levels of power and intimacy with themselves. I am shocking, and that’s one of my best qualities!
What would your life be like if you decided to just BE who you really are?
I would seek out the shock. I would stop holding my tongue and keeping quiet about so much, I would give myself the permission to be controversial and to say things that provoke people into really THINKING about their lives. I would speak openly, travel more, and open up more about the roller coaster that my life really is. Because it is. And while it’s initiating me into deeper levels, it can initiate you too if I’m willing to open up and let you in.
Make a commitment to being that person starting NOW.
Do you want more of this? Is authenticity interesting to you? Do you want to stop feeling like you have to change everything about who you are just to be ok?
If this is the kind of work you’re ready for, LET ME KNOW. I want to teach more about this but only if you guys are ready for it.